I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
