I just pynch a tree in the face
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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