Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
