why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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