I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
