i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
