How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
