I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
