I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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