Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
