ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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