Plan B is the new Plan A
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
