her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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