im gay
i know
yea but for you.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
