I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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