before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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