I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
