i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
