And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm passing your future prison.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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