So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
