there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
