if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
