Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
