I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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