Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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