Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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