apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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