I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
