you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
