Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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