I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
