I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
