He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
