Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
