Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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