just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
