it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
