Where did you get a picture of my penis
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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