Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
