i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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