The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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