She is in my trunk
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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