I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
