so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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