I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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