he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
