Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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