Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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