That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's blow job season.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
