hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
