I'm lost and stupid without you.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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